okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
