Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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