:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
