Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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