Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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