I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
