Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
