She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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