Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
