So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
