My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
