Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i think my tv is drunk
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
