Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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