I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Randomize
