Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
