i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
