I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
