i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
