My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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