Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
