If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
