JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
