i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
