I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
