xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
