Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
