we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
