I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
