wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
