I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
