How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
