So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
