I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
