Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My vagina just clenched in fear
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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