Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
