Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
