when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
