Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
