matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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