Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
