i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
