Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
