You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So here I am, sexting at work.
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