If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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