I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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