I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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