How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
