Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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