yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
