I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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