Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
