I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
